I'm at a point in my life when some relationships are ending. Partly due to my own issues and behaviors and partly due to others' issues and behaviors. You know the saying "It takes two to Tango"... it also takes two to fail to Tango. I won't deny my own culpability.
I read something on my new addiction, www.pinterest.com, about how sometimes a person just wakes up one morning and doesn't love you anymore. I think that may be the case in one of these relationships, and it has taken me a couple of years to actually realize that I wasn't loved anymore. Funny, because this person knows I'm kind of a slow learner, and I don't give up on relationships easily. But I told him back in.. oh, February, I think, that I'm really not good at one-sided relationships. Of course, he immediately responded that he didn't know what I was talking about... and yet... other than an occasional text here and there, all initiated by me... I haven't heard from him since then. So.. done. I'm over it. I'm sad... because he's been a big part of my life for a very long time, but really, I get it. While I've thought for years that he was a "Friend of the Heart", it seems he may just have been a "Friend of the Road". *sighs* Life goes on.
At least one of the relationships that is ending, I'm ambivalent about. Which is probably why it is ending. You can't give your all to a friendship if you're not committed to it, and I've sadly discovered that I'm not at all committed to this particular one. I asked myself if I'm going to miss having this woman in my life, and my best answer was "probably not". That's never a good answer to that question. I find myself being unforgiving, and I don't like that. While the relationship will not recover, I still need to deal with my own feelings and find it within myself to forgive the things she has done and said that hurt me. And then, of course, as I always do, I'll shut myself off a little bit, be reticent about any new friendships that should come my way, because I don't like giving people the power to hurt me.
Other relationships are blossoming, someone is back in my life after an extended absence, and there are new little lives popping up all over the place, it seems. Two new September births were added yesterday, Bridgette's twin girls were welcomed into this crazy world.
I've officially started my new position, although I haven't done anything that fits the job description yet. Maybe in a couple of weeks... *laughs*. Next week, I'm taking a few days off, going to celebrate getting old-er, Knowing me, I'll spend a little time grieving for those relationships that are ending, a little time looking back over the past and hopefully some time looking to the future and contemplating the coming year.
Despite my current state of melancholy, I must always remember: Life is good, blessings abound.
The opinions expressed here are mine and only mine.
